Ugh! Menopause Stinks and Other Personal Confessions…

Okay, everyone. I need to use this blog for some accountability for a little while…and some personal info too. If you think it may be TMI (Too Much Information) for you, please skip the rest of this post. 🙂

Those who know me remember that about a year ago, I had a total hysterectomy right before Memorial Day weekend. I was suffering from advanced endometriosis and was in severe pain most of the time. This was my third surgery in a year to address the problem, and I had to take a radical step.

As a result of losing both of my ovaries, I immediately entered into early menopause at the age of 38. My doctor told me that I would undergo many changes to my body as a result of the lack of hormones – one of which was weight gain around my middle section.

Before the surgery, I was a yoga and Pilates devotee – spending about an hour, 5 times a week exercising and working with weights.

Here’s a photo of me and my daughter Emily two summers ago:

Kind of a hot body for a woman in her late thirties with three kids, if I do say so myself! 😉

And…this is me now…in menopause 🙁

I finally stepped on the scale yesterday (I was afraid!) – I’ve gained *40* pounds in the last year since my surgery!!!!!!!!!

How depressing. Sigh….

But…back to the accountability….

I know that if I put my mind to it, I can change this situation. I just need to dedicate myself to regular exercise again as well as a better diet. Not a diet like starving myself…just a diet like making better choices and watching what I eat (and how much).

Weight is a very personal subject for me. Even though I was always a thin child, when I was in college, my body chemistry changed and I put on some weight – as most college students do.

Then when I was about 25, I tried one of those diet plans and lost a great deal of weight. But I just couldn’t stop – I kept losing more and more weight and became obsessed with food.

I had an eating disorder. I can admit that now – I was anorexic. So many things in my life were out of control – and food was the one thing I COULD control. It wasn’t a physical issue – it was very much an emotional one.

Everyone around me could see that I was spinning out of control and wasting away, but I was helpless to do anything about it. I had many health issues – I even had to wear a cast on my arm as a result of nerve damage done to my arm due to the lack of fat in my body (every time I bent my elbow, it was as if I hit my ‘funny bone’ – the nerve was basically exposed).
Several doctors told me that I needed to gain weight or I would continue to be ill – I had blood tests that showed that there were almost no minerals left in my body. It seems odd to even think about it now that I’m on the other side of the weight issue…

So what saved me? I got pregnant with my son, Andrew. It was no longer all about me – I was responsible for another life. So I started to eat again and went back to a healthy weight and had a healthy pregnancy.

I never let myself get to that low point again – I made better food choices, exercised regularly and maintained a healthy weight through two more pregnancies and for over ten years. But when I started having endometriosis issues and surgeries a few years ago, I had to deal with weight issues once again.

And here I am now fat and in menopause. Did I mention it stinks?

I’m rambling here – back to the accountability.

I need to take control over the situation (that’s just how I am – did I mention that I’m a control freak?) starting right now. And I need to be accountable to someone or something – that’s where the blog comes in.

I’m going post some of my weight loss progress and struggles. If you feel like reading it, great – and if not, just ignore those posts. But at least I’ll feel like I have to actually *do* something about my health and weight – without going overboard.

I have to TAKE control without LOSING control.

I hope some of you can relate to my situation…wish me luck!