Feeling Out of Sorts

The last few weeks have been really strange – I just haven’t felt like myself.  No major changes, just lots of little things have me out of my normal routine.  And I’m such a creature of habit – I LIKE routines.  Routines are comforting to me – at least to a point.  There are times in my life where I like to shake it up a little bit (and during the entire transition, I second guess myself and wonder why I didn’t just stay in my comfort zone where i belonged).  But for the most part, I like to get up at the same time, have the same breakfast, go to work at the same time, drive the same way…you get the idea.  If I have to even take a detour that takes me down a different road, I sometimes have a little panic attack. 

Anyway, the last few weeks have definitely had me out of my routine.  Two weeks ago, I spent the first part of the week on travel in Washington, DC for work.  And for a woman who doesn’t like change or surprises (I should mention here that I also don’t like surprises.  That includes gifts, surprise parties, unexpected visitors…I even wanted to know the sexes of all of my children before they were born.), I do like to travel.  Well…I like traveling once I get wherever I’m going.  And I like planning a trip.  I just don’t like packing or getting to the airport/train station – that part REALLY stresses me out.  Part of the control freak in me, I guess.  This trip, I took the train to DC by myself – something I’ve never done before.  I did enjoy the train much more than driving and I do like Washington.  It’s such an amazing city – everyone there seems to have a purpose – a place to be and a job to do.  I stayed in a really nice hotel and got to catch up with some friends while I was there, too.  Wish I had some money to spend – there were some fantastic stores near my hotel…but I’m sticking to the budget.

The day after I got back from DC, I went on an amazing 3 day Christian retreat called the Walk to Emmaus.  I can’t begin to describe what a wonderful spiritual experience I had – I felt surrounded by God’s unconditional love in a way that is unlike anything I have ever felt before.  I didn’t know anyone going in to the retreat, but came out feeling so close to the women I met there.  I’d like to volunteer to assist others in the future with their walks and hope that I can make their experiences as wonderful as I found my own.

But as incredible as my spiritual experience was, the actual physical experience was not as incredible.  After staying at that fabulous 5 star hotel in DC, the accommodations at the retreat were much more…rustic.  And during the weekend, we experienced a “double nor’easter” (whatever that is) – it basically amounted to temperatures in the 40’s and driving rain for 4 straight days.  Oh…and did I mention that the buildings were only heated with space heaters?  And that we had to move outside from building to building to eat, sleep, worship and even go to the bathroom? 

So after a weekend of very little sleep in a confined area with lots of other women while spending time outside in the cold, driving rain and no heat…surprisingly, I got very sick with the flu when I got home.

And I’ve been sick for the last 9 DAYS!!!!  It’s been weeks now since I’ve been in my normal routine – I haven’t been exercising because I’ve been away or I’ve been sick or I was in physical therapy for my hip.  And while I was away, my eating habits were off too.  They fed us SO much while we were on that retreat!  The food was fabulous, but they gave us dessert at EVERY meal!   And I felt so bad wasting the food that they had cooked for us – plus it was SO good…

But so far, so good.  I haven’t gained any weight – I guess I really only ate bad for those 3 days.  I’ve picked back up on the exercise – I’m not sore, so I guess I wasn’t away from it as long as I thought I was. 

I’m looking forward to feeling like myself again. 

Oh…and here are some “before and after” weight loss photos.  Andrew went to homecoming this weekend and when I saw this photo of him and me, I remembered that I had this other photo taken at his 8th grade graduation about a year and a half ago.  Thought they would make an interesting contrast – this was June, 2008:

And this was last weekend, 50 pounds lighter:

I got thinner and Andrew got much taller…

Happy Birthday, Andrew!

July is certainly a busy birthday month for our family – today is Andrew’s 15th birthday!  I can’t believe it – he’s 15 already. 

We were going over his class schedule for the fall (he’ll be a sophomore in high school this year) and mixed in with his regular classes he mentioned that he’ll be taking driver’s ed.  Wait…back up…what did you say????  Driver’s what????  It just seems crazy to me.  Isn’t this the same little boy who was just playing with Power Rangers and loved watching Barney and now he’s talking about driving a car?  When they say it goes by so fast, they are not kidding.

Enjoy every moment – I know I did.  I love you Andrew (hope that doesn’t embarass you too much), but no – you are still not driving my car for a VERY long time.

Happy Birthday!

Things they are a-changin’…

More changes are coming to the Torrence household this year. It looks like my part-time job is turning into a full-time career. This is happening for several reasons:

1. My employer keeps asking me to switch to full-time.
2. We could use the extra money to get out of debt quicker.
3. Most importantly, we NEED the extra money to pay for some unexpected expenses (think April 15th).

So as of next week, I am a full-time employee working a 40-hour week (I was working only a 24-hour week previously). And my income will almost double (a good thing).

I am not so sure how I feel about this change, but I have to say that in this economy, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to have a good-paying, secure job (or even any job at all). I’m going to just keep reminding myself as I am getting up everyday at 5:30 in the morning to get everyone out the door by 7:00am…

Ever have one of those days?

It’s been one of those days already – and it’s only 8:30 in the morning!

I woke up with a horribly stiff neck…cut a hole in my brand new sweater when cutting off the tag…spilled fruit down the front of myself while packing my lunch…forgot to charge my phone… realized there was no toilet paper in the bathroom (too late)…got locked out of my car in the rain…placed another order for a replacement sweater and got frozen out of my account because I couldn’t remember the password…and now my Internet connection at work is extremely flaky so I can verify whether or not the order went through.  It’s got to get better as the day goes on, right?

Welcome to the 21st century (part 2)…

I’ve become a part of another technological advance recently – I’m now on Facebook (see the new link at the upper right of my blog).  I created an account about a month ago but didn’t really do anything with it until the last few days.

And now I’m finding that half of my church is on the site…as is half of my high school class (most of whom I haven’t seen in the almost 23 years since I graduated)!  It’s so much fun to hear from people you haven’t seen in a while – and it’s even a good way to keep in touch with those you see more often.

So…if you have a minute, look me up on Facebook – I’d be more than happy to be your ‘friend’.

Like the new blog theme?

After our Internet hosting issues this week, I lost my old blog theme and had to find a new one.  I found this one called “Messy Desk” – how appropriate!  In fact, it looks remarkably similar to my desk here at home…

Experiencing technical difficulties…

Please stand by.

I remember that from watching TV as a kid.

We’re having some issues with our hosting provider and blogs…it should be cleared up soon.

One More (Larger) Political Word

As I’ve mentioned before, this is not a political blog.  And the past few weeks we’ve all been suffering from political burnout (well…at least I have). 

But I was so proud of our country on Tuesday.  Not just because Barack Obama won the election (although I’m SO EXCITED about that!!!!).  But because record numbers of voters turned out to vote – some for the first time.  Even after the political burnout, I still stayed up WAY too late on Tuesday night to see the results and watch the speeches (which I thought were both phenomenal!).

I know the country has differing opinions and I know it’s tough when your candidate doesn’t win (the candidate I voted for didn’t win in the last TWO elections – believe me, I’ve been there!), but it was great to see people coming together peacefully – sometimes waiting in line for hours – to make their voices heard and to vote for what they truly thought was best for our country.

But I have to admit, it’s nice to be in the majority this year for a change.

And while even I don’t agree with every single one of his policies, I think that President-elect Obama will be a unifying leader, helping to bring us all back together.  I find him and his story inspiring – and his reception around the world is providing hope to many.

I also love that his is a technically-savvy man – if you haven’t already seen it, check out his administration’s new website at www.change.gov. 

I cannot imagine what it will be like to walk into the role of president next year – between the wars, the economy and the host of other messes we’ve created… and I know President Obama won’t be able to change things overnight.  But there’s still a sense of real optimism in the air.  And we certainly could all use a little of that.

Your Stories

This afternoon, I sent out an email to the five winners of copies of The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold – congratulations to our winners!

I received many emails with your childhood stories – some that made me laugh and others that made me cry.  I’d like to share some of them here with you:

Hi Kathy, I can’t think of anything except my Mom would always tell us to go play in the street when we were really bad and driving her nuts. I know she didn’t mean it but others might have thought that wasn’t very motherly.

…

I was raised by my schizophrenic mother and grandmother.  My mother (god bless her) was also color blind.  Her hobby was sewing.  She made me a cheerleading uniform one year from fabric that she got on sale at the fabric store and then proceeded to paint my shoes. It was awful. I was blue, green, pink and purple.  I was one messed up looking cheerleader.  I was embarrassed to death, but if I could have her back for one moment I would wear whatever she made me.

…

I haven’t thought of any great stories from my childhood, my mind is a blank I have no memory of my childhood.  That could be good or bad.

…

My father always made me eat everything on my plate, I mean everything. One night, after I finished some sliced tomatoes,  he told me that I couldn’t leave the table until I had eaten the tomato seeds, no big deal you think….well, you try to pick them up off of a plate with a spoon, fork, or any other utensil. It’s next to impossible. And of course he wouldn’t listen to me trying to explain this. I had to sit there for a very long time until he finally figured out that I couldn’t even pick them up. And that is a mild example of the control he tried to exert over my mother, brother and I.

…

I don’t like to talk about my mom, but….one time we were eating dinner and she was so upset, she took one swipe of the table with her arm and totally cleared the table.  I swore I would be a patient mother after that…joke was on me.  Now I know some of what she must have been going through that day to get her that upset.  We learn not to judge unless we have walked in those shoes.

…

I was considered a ‘mistake’ when I was born right while my mom and dad were in the middle of a divorce.  My parents never let me forget that I wasn’t wanted.  I never even had a birthday party.  Then my father had an affair on my mom resulting in a half-brother from the other woman.  He left that child for my mother to raise and she was even less loving to that child if that’s possible.  I ended up pretty much raising him even though I was just a kid myself when he was born.

…

Yep…I’m one of those that had a perfect mother…and she’s still the perfect mother and grandmother. I am so blessed…but a funny story about her…when one of us smarted off, I can’t even remember what it was about…she looked around for something to give somebody a little spank on the hiney and all she could think to grab was her flip flop…so she hopped around trying to get it off and we all laughed so hard nobody got in trouble! Hilarious and still brings a smile to my face!

…

When I was 3 I ran ahead of my mother and sister (age 8 ) to get to the church first.  When my sister offered to go get me my mother told here that I was “old enough to pay attention.”  Unfortunately, someone took me away.  The good news is that who ever took me let me go and I found a woman who found a policeman and eventually my parents came to get me.  This was in the late ’40s in Greenwich Village (NY).  Since then I’ve never been very good at leaving my home base.  I’ll travel and visit people but I prefer to be at home.  My mother never gave a clear explanation as to what actually happened and I have no memory other than finding a kind woman who found a policeman.

…

My childhood was “normal” – whatever that is!

…

My mother had a ‘nervous breakdown’ (what exactly is a nervous breakdown and when do *I* get to have one?) when I was very young so I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and uncle.  They were sexually abusive to me and the results affected me my entire life.  A few years ago, she tried to cry on my shoulder about how she had been abused by her father when she was a child – the same man that she left me with when I was 4 years old. I never could really forgive my mother for putting me into that situation knowing what would happen to me.

…

I think the craziest thing about my Mother was she was always moving us or talking about it. By the time I’d gone from 1st grade to 12th I had been to 20 schools. My high school years (4) were all at the same school. But my elementary school years were a nightmare with 4 and 5 different schools every year.

…

Well…here goes. You ask about a mixed up childhood, so here is my brief story. All my life even from my earliest memories, for some strange reason my mother favored my brother in all that he did. I was always second best and it was so very obvious, that when I was married the first time, my husband even commented on it. My Mother is untreated bipolar and also has a large area of hypochondriac. If you say you have a sore throat she is in the doctors the next week. She is jealous and is so afraid of anyone getting attention. Later in life I found out that I actually belonged to the man that I called dad’s brother, yes I am my uncle’s child. I have watched my mother steal and cheat people all my life. Things she does really drives me nuts. Please do not post my name with this.. it is way too embarrassing and my children do not know.  When I confronted my mother about my parentage she simply replied, everyone makes mistakes and you were just one I had to live with for appearance sakes.

…

I don’t think my “moment” is on par with Helen’s, but around 1975 or so, at a family dinner, my mother made the comment, as though she was updating us on late-breaking news, “And now they are saying that maybe there was a conspiracy to shoot JFK.”  I was so stunned by the depth of her lack of awareness, that I really couldn’t say anything, but I never thought of my mother in quite the same way again.

…

Thank you all for sharing your memories with us.

What Are They Thinking?

I’d like to take a minute to post a quick little quiz about children’s sporting events – and the parents that attend them.

Let’s just say you had a problem with the way a coach is using the players on the team (playing time, positions played, etc).  Would you:

a) Send the coach an email

b) Speak to the coach at practice

c) Take the coach aside before and/or after the game to discuss your concerns

or

d) Scream obscenities expressing your opinion of the coaches abilities across the field in the middle of the game in front of all the other parents (including those from the visiting team) and all of the children

Apparently, certain parents think the correct answer is d).

Because that’s the perfect way to show a great example of sportsmanship for our children.

If these parents have so much to offer in the way of coaching expertise, then I would suggest that they join the other coaches and give up their free time with their families to run around the field night after night, rain or shine, trying to teach soccer skills while at the same time controlling a large group of children, some of whom think it’s funny to throw rocks at each other, call each other names, threaten each other with bodily harm and generally act in a way that does not promote learning the game of soccer or any other game, for that matter.

I’ll personally make sure they receive the sign-up sheet for next year’s coaching positions…